Dear Santa.....

There's no way of getting to you or talking cause ever so often, all you ever is talk and you will never listen hence I decided on writing a letter that will never reach even close to the North Pole and I wish it never would reach anyway. The one thing I'm sure right now is that I am glad that Christmas is over since you weren't here for it. I wish you knew how Christmas felt like without you around. It just ends up having to be fake and strong and wearing a smile for the love of the rest of the family around. Deep down there's a hole in my heart when I think of you spending Christmas all alone. It just wasn't fair at all but when has it ever been anyway. I know you're hurt too and deep down you're broken but aren't we all?!?! If I could do anything to make it better just for you, I would for sure but when would it ever be enough for you? I try, try and try and failure is all that I end up with. How long would it take till your smile comes straight from thr heart and tears would not fall? It hurts to think I would never succeed. Among all my failures in life, this is the biggest one ever for I would be able to do things right by you. I guess all the words in the world, actions or whatever it may be would never be enough.

ignorant as fuck!!

hair falls in my cup of water for more than twice...
what the fuck? are u blind or something? maybe plain stupid???
arrrggghhhh....angryyyyyyy

Training someone my age or older is not the easiest task for me. I hate doing it i swear!! I have no patience and just feel like yelling all the fucking time! And so...this person...comes over with a question....hair isnt tied and I'm trying my best to not scream cause as I'm trying to show her stuff...from the corner of my eye, I could see her hair falling in my cup of water which I had just filled!! Fuck!!! Like couldn't she even realize it at all??? How could that be? Or perhaps she did and just thought that I wouldn't mind it at all. Fuck!! That's stupid though! Disgusting as hell!!!!

And so...there I go walking to the pantry..yet again to get water so I could drink, drink and drink and try to avoid a bloody migraine!

Damn it...sighhh...life's never easy...
Sob..emo......

Me and Migraine

we go a long way back..me and migraine
I've decided to give migraine a name and came up Miguelita
sounds Spanish...and like duper awesome when in reality it's just SHITE!!!
Anyway, Miguelita's there when he's not needed
He lingers when he's not welcomed to stay
He doesn't wait for an invitation and shows up at all the wrong fucking times
simply things like a blazing sun could turn him on and ta-da
he shows up without warning
he's rude like shit cause when I do try to get him out of sight and out of mind
ohh buoy...he doesn't fucking get it
He's never good at getting hints especially when I really need him to stay away
even chocolate makes him come around...gawwwddd...damn it. like fucking really? chocolate? wtf?
ohhh ohhhh...and when i don't get much sleep and feel soo shitty...he decides to come around as well!?!?!

goshh...yeah...we've come a long way....but still...i don't get how could he be soo fucking stupid and annoying?!?!
if we were married, that'll be great cause i swear i'd file for a divorce
ohh well...not a chance at all right
feels like we've been bonded for like forever
fuckkkkkk
times when i can't take it i start yelling to him to fuck off and leave me alone
of cause he gets mad as well and decides to stay longer..
shite!!!!!

Well, that's just my short story about my smelly visitor...

the truth about me

is that i don't know what i'm doing mostly
i think i do but i know deep down that i don't
The truth about me is that whenever something like this goes down
i hate the way it is cause i know how ugly it could get
it's never awesome to be me at times like this

fuckkkkkk

are u fucking serious?
like realllyyyy serious??

geezz...only half fucking 3...i wanna gooooo homeeeeeeee.................

the truth about fairness...

It just doesn't exist...life's never fair..never been and never will be i guess
then again who ever promised that life would be fair?
well nobody did but perhaps sometimes if it was, it would really be nice
at least once in a bloody while

i don't want him to go...i can't believe he is going..............
no one would get it..can't expect anyone to get it...
he's leaving with a broken heart...
and it scares me till my headache's fucking me up...

what about me? was i even thought about when he decided to leave?
and tell me a day before???

fuckkkkkkk...........

guess i'll have nothing but a merry fucking christmas......
they say family's most important during christmas.....like really????

merry whattt.....

waking up to a text from you
wat it says is nothing but a heartache
since nothing nice ever comes out these days
say you must have a meal with me and you'd tell me why
i felt it way before today
tried my best to avoid it but knowing it won't be long
till i have to face reality

***you're leaving yet again
during a time when we need you most
i know i've been bad
never doing things you're way
is it too late for me to make it up?
is it too late to beg you to stay?
just please stay with us and dont leave
dont make us have merry fucking christmas without you

it's not fair though it's nothing new
why do i have to pay for what everybody does
so they've pissed you of till you wanna leave
but i've tried and i've tried all my life
why isn't it every good enough for you
why the fuck must it be this unfair
i will never get it and i'll never get you

***

guess all i've got is a repeat of last year
a jolly season without you here
a meaningless affair which brings me to tears
but oh well that's just the way it is I guess

***you're leaving yet again
during a time when we need you most
i know i've been bad
never doing things you're way
is it too late for me to make it up?
is it too late to beg you to stay?
just please stay with us and dont leave
dont make us have merry fucking christmas without you

but maybe it's too late cause your ticket's been booked
and since i just found out
just gotta welcome the merry fucking christmas and a fucking jolly season
with a heart that's been broken to pieces......