Well, other than losing my diary I had also lost pages of my 'book' and so did my inspiration go down the drain. 2011....I shall go all out I guess after listening to an interview with one of the Msian authors, I am all highly inspired right now! Swear I would definately keep them soft copy this time so nothing gets lost. :-)
So yeah, tada...this is me always into doind crazy things and just different from most people I know. Something like right now while probably most people are getting ready to party, here I am writing instead which to me feels rather awesome. :-) I am missing my family and friends at this point though since most occasions, I am always torn since something has to happen. everyone seems busy and all over the place nowadays. I am only just one, I can't split myself even if I wanted to so how to do I go about it? Sighh...can't think of what to do later so guess I'll just let a drink be my company and see how it goes. :-)
Enough of bullshit I guess for one day. I mean I haven't written for quite sometime and suddenly, it's all coming out...hahaha....
Toodles...
Friday, December 31, 2010
Final day of 2010...
Last day of 2010 and here I am at work which is perhaps better than anything else at the moment. Sometimes work could be an escape from stuff that's ugly and would tire me out. :-)
Anyway, thinking of year 2010...somethings have been totally awesome and some weren't at all. Of everthing that has happened, here's a list of depressing thing that has happened to me or a loved one :
1. Lost of my diary containing memories that can't be replaced, books and bag which is super valuable to me..bloody arse who broke into my car.
2. Priesthood...hmmph which made a dear friend leave almost for good.
3. Never got to go back hometown as often that I wanted too.
4. I skipped a semester of my studies and miss it so bloody much. :-(((
RIP...gone from earth but memories will remain...
1. YCM...a dear friend from college. Nash, i know it's super hard for you until now especially since it's his birthday but hope that time will heal.
2. Betty B.Neo...never like you that much and so did you but it simply was sad to see the wat mum cried like it was the end of the world. I hope mum will somehow get over it.
3. ADD...used to call you Mr.A..Elaine..hope you'll be strong although it's hard. Sad that you have not fully recovered from losing your mum and now yet another one.
Sigh...those were the sad parts of the year. As for the good things that happened..here goes...
1. 2 subs down of MBA...woohooo...although I'm missing it now, sacrifices got to be made. I guess I knew the journey would not be easy at all but I will keep going till the very end.
2. My dad is with me after 2 ops which caused so much of fear. Thank God for making him alright. He obviously won't be reading this but although many time he does upset, irritate and drive me & T up the wall, I can never imagine life without him.
3. NETJ....born march 2010. More & more people keep talking about his eyes. Family and even people who comment when T walks with him in the malls. :-) Can't imagine how handsome he'll be when he grows up but in a way it's scary too being that cute. What if there are many Navs and Ashvins around who go after him? Or girls who break his heart? :-)))Just won't know what the world would be like when NETJ grows up.
4. MTA..born Sept 2010. wow..bro now has 3 kids!!! That's like a million after having to try so hard. :-) Good for them though...one big happy family. Hmmmm.....
5. Ouh...nine emperor God festival with E was totally awesome. What a great experience!!! :-) Looking forward to Songkran (if that's how it's spelt) next year!!!
6. Finally got tics for Aussie next year Sept..thanks to E. Always been mum's dream to visit and it's going to happen. Given a choice, i's rather go back to hometown but well...in life we got to do things in order for us not to regret so yeah. Won't hurt to see what it's like there anyway so will look forward to it. :-)
Guess that's all for now. Got to get back to work and finish quick so that I could head back. :-))
Happy new year... xoxo
Anyway, thinking of year 2010...somethings have been totally awesome and some weren't at all. Of everthing that has happened, here's a list of depressing thing that has happened to me or a loved one :
1. Lost of my diary containing memories that can't be replaced, books and bag which is super valuable to me..bloody arse who broke into my car.
2. Priesthood...hmmph which made a dear friend leave almost for good.
3. Never got to go back hometown as often that I wanted too.
4. I skipped a semester of my studies and miss it so bloody much. :-(((
RIP...gone from earth but memories will remain...
1. YCM...a dear friend from college. Nash, i know it's super hard for you until now especially since it's his birthday but hope that time will heal.
2. Betty B.Neo...never like you that much and so did you but it simply was sad to see the wat mum cried like it was the end of the world. I hope mum will somehow get over it.
3. ADD...used to call you Mr.A..Elaine..hope you'll be strong although it's hard. Sad that you have not fully recovered from losing your mum and now yet another one.
Sigh...those were the sad parts of the year. As for the good things that happened..here goes...
1. 2 subs down of MBA...woohooo...although I'm missing it now, sacrifices got to be made. I guess I knew the journey would not be easy at all but I will keep going till the very end.
2. My dad is with me after 2 ops which caused so much of fear. Thank God for making him alright. He obviously won't be reading this but although many time he does upset, irritate and drive me & T up the wall, I can never imagine life without him.
3. NETJ....born march 2010. More & more people keep talking about his eyes. Family and even people who comment when T walks with him in the malls. :-) Can't imagine how handsome he'll be when he grows up but in a way it's scary too being that cute. What if there are many Navs and Ashvins around who go after him? Or girls who break his heart? :-)))Just won't know what the world would be like when NETJ grows up.
4. MTA..born Sept 2010. wow..bro now has 3 kids!!! That's like a million after having to try so hard. :-) Good for them though...one big happy family. Hmmmm.....
5. Ouh...nine emperor God festival with E was totally awesome. What a great experience!!! :-) Looking forward to Songkran (if that's how it's spelt) next year!!!
6. Finally got tics for Aussie next year Sept..thanks to E. Always been mum's dream to visit and it's going to happen. Given a choice, i's rather go back to hometown but well...in life we got to do things in order for us not to regret so yeah. Won't hurt to see what it's like there anyway so will look forward to it. :-)
Guess that's all for now. Got to get back to work and finish quick so that I could head back. :-))
Happy new year... xoxo
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
The thought that became ReaLity..
My mind was filled with loads of questions and memories that came to bring on nothing but heartache as I drove home. Its four days to Christmas and as most people been excited about it, I have tried to be just as happy by shopping for things that could make others happy since that feeling cant be mine. The one thought I had was this day would come when I would have tears falling once again. My thoughts turned into reality.. I checked the mail and there it was, the card which he never failed to send me except this time the words inside stabbed like a knife. What would have happened to you if I wasnt there but what is happening to me since you arent here? If only my thoughts could be transfered just like how I thought of your card and it was there. If that could happen, you will know how much I miss you and wish that you are here instead of there. Someday perhaps I will be filled with regret that I never took the trouble to write to you or send you a card. The truth is it hurts to even get myself to do that cause I wish you were just a call away and a seven minute drive. Instead you're million miles away and unreachable. Sigh...apart from this sadness, there has been two deaths in the past three weeks. Both didnt mean much to me but they meant a lot to two people who are important to me. Saying goodbye is never easy and watching the person you love going through the pain of saying goodbye is even harder. Nothing you could ever do will make it even a little better which is why its painful. Why does life have to be so ugly sometimes? Im falling asleep thanks the medicine which means less tears cried..I wish upon the hundreds of stars that you wil be back someday..although I know it's impossible. Wow..the med is awesome!! It's making me fly right now and my focus is gone..zzzz
Monday, December 13, 2010
Crash boom bang...
I heard the sound of the car and its 1.45am..my heart starts beating faster for some reason. I knew it was him and I was right as 3 minutes later he started to open the main door. I was in the loo and a few minutes later he enters his room and the slams the door. My heart is still beating fast and I got out to go straight to my room. Huge sigh of relief...plus horrible thoughts run through my head. I dont get why is life so stressful at times. Why is he so easily angered and other people become the victim? Weekend has finally ended and as much as I do look forward to it, sometimes I do feel relieved when it has ended for many other reasons. Sucks but its true. Im not looking for to waking up and going to the hospital at all..to see the neurologist especially. As I put my head down to sleep tonight, I cant help but wonder...what if, just what if I had a tumor? Hell no that fighting in my world would stop but one thing for sure is that, my last days would be spent in my lovely hometown..quiet, peaceful, happy land called Hatyai... Plus i'll shop in toys r us like i never did before.. Ha ha ha... Well, that's all the crap i have for now...till the next crap crops up again...
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Happy Happy Wonderful Glorious Anniversary....is it the 8th of Dec???
I never said it to you guys and I won't either so just thought I'd write here for no one to know especially the 2 of you...the most important people in my life....
Hey Guys...happy anniversary fellas..I wish I could buy you guys a bottle of Brown Brothers wine, play Alan's Jacskon's - Remember When song and watch you guys waltz together. But hell no, 37 years now and the fighting has not stopped. Man, I so salute you guys. It's amazing I tell you but oh well...
Thanks to your lovely grandkids who could put smiles in your life and bring on the laughter...:-))
Just a dream away...here's the song. I wish one fine day, I could organize an anniversary party and play this song. I've had 2 chances which has gone to waste but I guess still I have one last hope...the couple who had a fantastic wedding, also the couple who means loads to me...I'll keep believing that I will be playing this song and watching them waltz on a stage which has Noah's ark on the background for one very lovely reason...;-)
Remember when I was young and so were you
and time stood still and love was all we knew
You were the first, so was I
We made love and then you cried
Remember when
Remember when we vowed the vows
and walked the walk
Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard
We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when
Remember when old ones died and new were born
And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged
We came together, fell apart
And broke each other's hearts
Remember when
Remember when the sound of little feet
was the music
We danced to week to week
Brought back the love, we found trust
Vowed we'd never give it up
Remember when
Remember when thirty seemed so old
Now lookn' back it's just a steppin' stone
To where we are,
Where we've been
Said we'd do it all again
Remember when
Remember when we said when we turned gray
When the children grow up and move away
We won't be sad, we'll be glad
For all the life we've had
And we'll remember when
Cheers y'all...till next time....
Hey Guys...happy anniversary fellas..I wish I could buy you guys a bottle of Brown Brothers wine, play Alan's Jacskon's - Remember When song and watch you guys waltz together. But hell no, 37 years now and the fighting has not stopped. Man, I so salute you guys. It's amazing I tell you but oh well...
Thanks to your lovely grandkids who could put smiles in your life and bring on the laughter...:-))
Just a dream away...here's the song. I wish one fine day, I could organize an anniversary party and play this song. I've had 2 chances which has gone to waste but I guess still I have one last hope...the couple who had a fantastic wedding, also the couple who means loads to me...I'll keep believing that I will be playing this song and watching them waltz on a stage which has Noah's ark on the background for one very lovely reason...;-)
Remember when I was young and so were you
and time stood still and love was all we knew
You were the first, so was I
We made love and then you cried
Remember when
Remember when we vowed the vows
and walked the walk
Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard
We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when
Remember when old ones died and new were born
And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged
We came together, fell apart
And broke each other's hearts
Remember when
Remember when the sound of little feet
was the music
We danced to week to week
Brought back the love, we found trust
Vowed we'd never give it up
Remember when
Remember when thirty seemed so old
Now lookn' back it's just a steppin' stone
To where we are,
Where we've been
Said we'd do it all again
Remember when
Remember when we said when we turned gray
When the children grow up and move away
We won't be sad, we'll be glad
For all the life we've had
And we'll remember when
Cheers y'all...till next time....
A month away from Christmas....and counting..
Yet another day and I'm it will fly by as fast as possible although it has only just begun..as I start this post that is. I'm not sure when I'll decide to put this up but well, guess we'll see how it goes. I feel like crap thinking about so many things and one of it is Christmas is almost here. Shouldn't it be a happy occasion that everyone looks forward to at the end of the year? I'm sure it should be but not for those who has lost someone dear and special to them. Also, happy, special days like Christmas sure is not something to look forward to if the one you love has left and it all slipped through your fingers.
I can't help but think of the Christmas invitations from the best friend I had which I turned down all these years. I never thought that last year would be the first and last year that I would attend it. I remember 2 years back when I bought something and had decided to go but I back out at the last minute. Till now I just don't know the reason why but I guess it's yet another regret of those times I took for granted. I looked forward to him being back early this year but instead it was last Christmas that I got the news that he would be leaving for good. :-((( I could hardly believe it but I guess now I know that it was for real. I miss him but what can I say or do. I was only human to overlook and take the friend I had for granted. When he was here, I never took the time to meet that often or even speak over the phone. But the one thing I have are the memories made over the ten years that I've known him. The longest and best friend I had and perhaps it was when I found out that he was leaving that I realized how much the friendship meant to me. How sad could that get huh but there's not turning back..or any way to tell him.
It hurts when I come across something that reminds me of him or a song over the radio which he loved. Light and Easy-his favourite station ever. I miss just having him around and knowing he is just a call away. Like now, I wish I could pick up the phone and call him to make plans to meet up soon but I can't. I could still remember back in high school we used to sit next to each other and once we're home, he would still call just to talk about stuff. It brings tears to my eyes but I've only got myself to blame. Life has taken him to a different level now and things would never be the same again.
What makes it worst is I got upset and ignored his birthday and when mine came, I received a card in the mailbox from him with a dragonfly on it. He never forgot or got upset although I had ignored him. I wish no one else makes the same mistake that I've made. Although I sent him a message to explain since I felt bad about what I did, he replied and again I left it hanging. Again, I can't explain why but it seems so hard since I know he's never coming back again.
Sigh...If I could only have an ending like in the movies but it is not that easy...it never has and never will be....
It's something I now believe that everyone should know well enough that every friend or family means a lot in different ways and when that person leaves, no one else could ever take their place. It's sad but it's a fact that you could have someone next to you but the truth is that deep down inside, the memories of someone else lingers. No matter how hard you try, it the hurt seems almost impossible to disappear. As I end this, I can't help but wonder if someone out there-meaning he feels the same but I guess I just would never know or find out ever....
I can't help but think of the Christmas invitations from the best friend I had which I turned down all these years. I never thought that last year would be the first and last year that I would attend it. I remember 2 years back when I bought something and had decided to go but I back out at the last minute. Till now I just don't know the reason why but I guess it's yet another regret of those times I took for granted. I looked forward to him being back early this year but instead it was last Christmas that I got the news that he would be leaving for good. :-((( I could hardly believe it but I guess now I know that it was for real. I miss him but what can I say or do. I was only human to overlook and take the friend I had for granted. When he was here, I never took the time to meet that often or even speak over the phone. But the one thing I have are the memories made over the ten years that I've known him. The longest and best friend I had and perhaps it was when I found out that he was leaving that I realized how much the friendship meant to me. How sad could that get huh but there's not turning back..or any way to tell him.
It hurts when I come across something that reminds me of him or a song over the radio which he loved. Light and Easy-his favourite station ever. I miss just having him around and knowing he is just a call away. Like now, I wish I could pick up the phone and call him to make plans to meet up soon but I can't. I could still remember back in high school we used to sit next to each other and once we're home, he would still call just to talk about stuff. It brings tears to my eyes but I've only got myself to blame. Life has taken him to a different level now and things would never be the same again.
What makes it worst is I got upset and ignored his birthday and when mine came, I received a card in the mailbox from him with a dragonfly on it. He never forgot or got upset although I had ignored him. I wish no one else makes the same mistake that I've made. Although I sent him a message to explain since I felt bad about what I did, he replied and again I left it hanging. Again, I can't explain why but it seems so hard since I know he's never coming back again.
Sigh...If I could only have an ending like in the movies but it is not that easy...it never has and never will be....
It's something I now believe that everyone should know well enough that every friend or family means a lot in different ways and when that person leaves, no one else could ever take their place. It's sad but it's a fact that you could have someone next to you but the truth is that deep down inside, the memories of someone else lingers. No matter how hard you try, it the hurt seems almost impossible to disappear. As I end this, I can't help but wonder if someone out there-meaning he feels the same but I guess I just would never know or find out ever....
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
I will remember you...
When the memories of someone you love cuts like a knife..the best song written-at least what I think though...
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
Though we are screaming inside oh we can't be heard
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
But once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
That I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
-Sarah McLachlan :-)
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
Though we are screaming inside oh we can't be heard
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
But once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
That I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
-Sarah McLachlan :-)
Monday, December 6, 2010
Monday...stinky, smelly as ever...sighhh...
It's been ages since my last post-more than a week!!! A lot has happened in the past 11 days. Some awesome and some things worst than the smelliest poop ever made!! :-)) Eeeuuuwww...
Anywayz..just a short lil post to say that I'm still alive and kicking...and that I can't wait for the day at work to end. Somehow Monday's always the toughest day ever..damn.
Anywayz..just a short lil post to say that I'm still alive and kicking...and that I can't wait for the day at work to end. Somehow Monday's always the toughest day ever..damn.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
AARGGGHHH.....anger boils @ the office..
Effer....the sound of a language not understood and going on and on and on...is making me sick to my bones. Why do people do this? Were they not taught any ethics...just brought up to be super rude? I wish I could understand why do people do this especially in the office! Damn it. And these people could go on speaking non-stop in their own language like they rule the world. The only English word heard in the midst of the conversation is the 'F' word every now and then. Sigh...sick...
Anyway...its finally Thursday. Another day at work to go and then its Friday!!! The day I'm soo looking forward to. :-)))
Anyway...its finally Thursday. Another day at work to go and then its Friday!!! The day I'm soo looking forward to. :-)))
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Time...
..is moving so super slow and I wish I could wave a wand so that it would be Friday instead of Tuesday!!! Damn..it's three whole days away. :-((( That totally sucks...but I guess many out there are feeling the same way although with different reasons.
Here's hoping work would not be terrible although right now it's real obvious that it's going to be and I wanna go home and curl up in bed...sighhh...
Here's hoping work would not be terrible although right now it's real obvious that it's going to be and I wanna go home and curl up in bed...sighhh...
Friday, November 19, 2010
dear shopaholic...
Welcome to my world of crap. Now that you've started one too, I hope you feel the joys of talking crap and the option to ensure it's safe too. :-)
Sigh..I would love to write more right now but some chicken arse is speaking so duper loud in the most irritating accent and taking all my thoughts away. Damn it!! Just don't get why do people love to speak so loud especially if the other party is just opposite them. Probably born with it but still???
Till next time...
Sigh..I would love to write more right now but some chicken arse is speaking so duper loud in the most irritating accent and taking all my thoughts away. Damn it!! Just don't get why do people love to speak so loud especially if the other party is just opposite them. Probably born with it but still???
Till next time...
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Nuts over Nuts?!?!?!?
The title of this post says it all and it is true actually that I am feeling nutty today. :-) I woke up this morning and realized that my stock of nuts have depleted. What nuts? Cashewnuts from my beautiful hometown, where else huh. Not like I've been eating them but just feels great to see that there's nuts on the table. Well, big daddy have been eating them...which is good. This leads to only one thing..it's time to go back soon. :-))) Yea well, I miss hometown already and it's only been 2 months!!Sigh....I know I'm mad to feel this way but just can't help it. When I'm there, I miss my family but once I'm back here, I miss the place so badly.
To make things worst..the flood!! I'm imagining all those nuts, stinky cuttlefish, 100bht bras, thousands of shoes floating all over!! Wonder if they had time to save all the stuff! My poor homies....hope it all gets better soon... :-)
To make things worst..the flood!! I'm imagining all those nuts, stinky cuttlefish, 100bht bras, thousands of shoes floating all over!! Wonder if they had time to save all the stuff! My poor homies....hope it all gets better soon... :-)
Monday, November 15, 2010
The latest edition...is 8 months!!
Lil nephew + godson NETJ..8 months old today, time flies so quickly sometimes!! When T called today, I recalled the night when she was there in the labour room of the hospital. Champion she was, still smiling and taking pictures in the midst of all the pain. :-)
Well, it sure was duper scary thanks to dear a.jeanie who spoke of still born. But well, it was for precaution did she mentioned about it. Just never told T about this. Hah...NETJ was born safe and sound anyway and now 8 months!!! Hmmm...the main point of this post is that...T had forgotten the date and so did I...for the first time after 7 months...but well, NETJ will be laughing bout this when he is big enough to know stuff... :-)))
Anyway..lil' boy is super awesome. The only one who managed to make his grandpa smile...right from the heart. And I'm damn serious about it...he even wanted to be known as GP!! Probably to sound cool or something...hehehe. But yeah, when he's pissed with something I would mention something about NETJ and he'd cool down. Awesome technique huh!!!
Well, it sure was duper scary thanks to dear a.jeanie who spoke of still born. But well, it was for precaution did she mentioned about it. Just never told T about this. Hah...NETJ was born safe and sound anyway and now 8 months!!! Hmmm...the main point of this post is that...T had forgotten the date and so did I...for the first time after 7 months...but well, NETJ will be laughing bout this when he is big enough to know stuff... :-)))
Anyway..lil' boy is super awesome. The only one who managed to make his grandpa smile...right from the heart. And I'm damn serious about it...he even wanted to be known as GP!! Probably to sound cool or something...hehehe. But yeah, when he's pissed with something I would mention something about NETJ and he'd cool down. Awesome technique huh!!!
Bun Bun Bun-A-Noo
and eat yr shit till you turn blue...addition of a friend requires no suggestion from your bum all the way from diamond bay for the effin person is nothing but an enemy...yo yo yo...:-)))))))))
A failed rap but meaning so true..hmmpphh!!!
So anywayz...after ages of creating this blog I finally decided to write and post something! Did it have to begin with anger? Well, that is not pure anger but it is humour.
Just a lil bout me..I'm a 25 year old who's made of the following :
20% = Crap
20% = Anger
20% = Love
20% = Humour
20% = Migraine
Mix them all up and you've got me. ;-) My family..is amazing in all ways whether it's good or bad. I've got my parents, an elder brother and a sister. I came on the last flight...a dragonfly that lost my way, hoped never to land but somehow I did. I must have knock my head somewhere since I ain't like the other 2 at all...so all you read along, you'll find out the seriousness of the bump in my head... ;-)
A failed rap but meaning so true..hmmpphh!!!
So anywayz...after ages of creating this blog I finally decided to write and post something! Did it have to begin with anger? Well, that is not pure anger but it is humour.
Just a lil bout me..I'm a 25 year old who's made of the following :
20% = Crap
20% = Anger
20% = Love
20% = Humour
20% = Migraine
Mix them all up and you've got me. ;-) My family..is amazing in all ways whether it's good or bad. I've got my parents, an elder brother and a sister. I came on the last flight...a dragonfly that lost my way, hoped never to land but somehow I did. I must have knock my head somewhere since I ain't like the other 2 at all...so all you read along, you'll find out the seriousness of the bump in my head... ;-)
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