The thought that became ReaLity..

My mind was filled with loads of questions and memories that came to bring on nothing but heartache as I drove home. Its four days to Christmas and as most people been excited about it, I have tried to be just as happy by shopping for things that could make others happy since that feeling cant be mine. The one thought I had was this day would come when I would have tears falling once again. My thoughts turned into reality.. I checked the mail and there it was, the card which he never failed to send me except this time the words inside stabbed like a knife. What would have happened to you if I wasnt there but what is happening to me since you arent here? If only my thoughts could be transfered just like how I thought of your card and it was there. If that could happen, you will know how much I miss you and wish that you are here instead of there. Someday perhaps I will be filled with regret that I never took the trouble to write to you or send you a card. The truth is it hurts to even get myself to do that cause I wish you were just a call away and a seven minute drive. Instead you're million miles away and unreachable. Sigh...apart from this sadness, there has been two deaths in the past three weeks. Both didnt mean much to me but they meant a lot to two people who are important to me. Saying goodbye is never easy and watching the person you love going through the pain of saying goodbye is even harder. Nothing you could ever do will make it even a little better which is why its painful. Why does life have to be so ugly sometimes? Im falling asleep thanks the medicine which means less tears cried..I wish upon the hundreds of stars that you wil be back someday..although I know it's impossible. Wow..the med is awesome!! It's making me fly right now and my focus is gone..zzzz