Yet another day and I'm it will fly by as fast as possible although it has only just begun..as I start this post that is. I'm not sure when I'll decide to put this up but well, guess we'll see how it goes. I feel like crap thinking about so many things and one of it is Christmas is almost here. Shouldn't it be a happy occasion that everyone looks forward to at the end of the year? I'm sure it should be but not for those who has lost someone dear and special to them. Also, happy, special days like Christmas sure is not something to look forward to if the one you love has left and it all slipped through your fingers.
I can't help but think of the Christmas invitations from the best friend I had which I turned down all these years. I never thought that last year would be the first and last year that I would attend it. I remember 2 years back when I bought something and had decided to go but I back out at the last minute. Till now I just don't know the reason why but I guess it's yet another regret of those times I took for granted. I looked forward to him being back early this year but instead it was last Christmas that I got the news that he would be leaving for good. :-((( I could hardly believe it but I guess now I know that it was for real. I miss him but what can I say or do. I was only human to overlook and take the friend I had for granted. When he was here, I never took the time to meet that often or even speak over the phone. But the one thing I have are the memories made over the ten years that I've known him. The longest and best friend I had and perhaps it was when I found out that he was leaving that I realized how much the friendship meant to me. How sad could that get huh but there's not turning back..or any way to tell him.
It hurts when I come across something that reminds me of him or a song over the radio which he loved. Light and Easy-his favourite station ever. I miss just having him around and knowing he is just a call away. Like now, I wish I could pick up the phone and call him to make plans to meet up soon but I can't. I could still remember back in high school we used to sit next to each other and once we're home, he would still call just to talk about stuff. It brings tears to my eyes but I've only got myself to blame. Life has taken him to a different level now and things would never be the same again.
What makes it worst is I got upset and ignored his birthday and when mine came, I received a card in the mailbox from him with a dragonfly on it. He never forgot or got upset although I had ignored him. I wish no one else makes the same mistake that I've made. Although I sent him a message to explain since I felt bad about what I did, he replied and again I left it hanging. Again, I can't explain why but it seems so hard since I know he's never coming back again.
Sigh...If I could only have an ending like in the movies but it is not that easy...it never has and never will be....
It's something I now believe that everyone should know well enough that every friend or family means a lot in different ways and when that person leaves, no one else could ever take their place. It's sad but it's a fact that you could have someone next to you but the truth is that deep down inside, the memories of someone else lingers. No matter how hard you try, it the hurt seems almost impossible to disappear. As I end this, I can't help but wonder if someone out there-meaning he feels the same but I guess I just would never know or find out ever....
No comments:
Post a Comment