-crushed-

a trickle of tear and nothing more..
disappearance of hope..
realization of things that was pushed under the carpet..
for far too long to avoid acceptance of the truth
which could only hurt more..
why so..
the struggle to stay away from reality...
deep down it's there and never would leave....
somehow it's been clear that nothing would change...

ouch...

Laura Ashley...Isn't looking forward to anything right now.
Besides being fuckin' bored..I can't think of anything that could make me feel awesome!
Probably..I wish I could head back to my lovely hometown. A place where I could stuff I like....

Another 2 bloody hours..can't think of how to get by...can't possible think of anything to write here since it would not come out right anyway. Guess sometimes during 'down' days, you just won't be able to think of the reason. Maybe everything would just feel so wrong and then it only gets worst.

the wise woman...

A wise woman once told me that if you give your heart to someone who loves you a 110%, years will pass and you would lose him sooner or later...

If you give your heart to someone who does not love you at all, years might go by and somehow love would be found...

Sadly..the wise woman had no idea what she was telling me cause I found out that the wise woman who wisely gave me advise turns out to be the third wife of a rich man and she never knew it until the day of his funeral...

Damn...now that's shitty...

Something to think about...

Have you ever wondered why do you keep your hair long although it makes you sick and you don't like it? Is it a trend or just for the sake of thinking..one fine day, the hair will turn into gold strands? :-)

Have you ever wondered what if the car you drove one day decided to fly?
Like it just takes off and there is nothing you can do about it. ;-) It flies above all the other cars which are stuck in the jam. And then you realize, you're car was built to fly but the salesperson never mentioned it.

Have you ever wondered what if you found out one day that your grandmother left you with a land down in Klang? A land that cost five million...yes..five fucking million dollars...not even ringgit...oh come over it...that'll never happen...especially to me.

Have you ever wondered for the sake of it...what if there was a lake..which consist of beer and not water. Imagine fishing for drunk fishes and the drunk people fishing for the drunk fishes and then standing by the lake, grilling drunken fish and then eating them after getting pissed drunk again.

xoxoxoxo....that's as for as my wild imagination could go for the night since it's such a boring night.

Counting the minutes till it's time to head back.....
NETJ...hope you're sleeping tight...
LTA, LFA and MTA...hope things don't get smelly at home and Facebook stays out for awhile so you'll get some attention.....

Hmmph...........toodles...

11.53pm....

feeling happy since it's almost time to leave work..at the same time feeling fucked up with the thought of going home. Hmmph...Things at home still fucked up. Even more today with all the fucking bloody smses I get. It's bloody mental torture which makes me so damn tired. Probably why I woke up only at 2.05pm this afternoon! Damn! That's like so fucking late but sleeping..lets me dream of things that are sometimes so beautiful! Unlike the reality..in life...there's like some tamil drama going on! As I had mentioned to my dear father! I have had enough of it! Then again, this is my shit to deal with. I don't feel anybody or even think any soul would understand until they're in my shoes! No one would know the shit I got to deal with! They would pass comments, suggest shit..but then...who will ever know!?!??! So I guess..the only way is to just fuck it!

Anyway, it's Friday tomorrow. Can't think of any reason to love it since it's Friday but oh well, nevermind..I still will try to. :-)

Here me scream...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..and then...Fuck Offfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

oh and USA...

Fuck that Arizona bitch!! Dare ask me to buy him a ticket...dictate what I should do...telling me to be grateful for what he has done...sure I will...by fucking wishing you will rot in hell with your fucking shit-face-black-and-white-blotters son....and you rat looking grand-fucking-daughter

God...wish you fuckers had the address to my blog....

Anger...boils perhaps above usual temperature.......

it's been awhile...

since i've last decided to blog about my crappy life...perhaps been spending too much time in the loo instead. So that's like direct crapping...straight into the bloody t-bowl!!

Days pass and nothing changes except my attitude..I'm getting more and more sick of the way life is. Living with him..yes him..my lovely father seem to get harder as the days go by. There has been a time, when I blogged all the lovely things about him. I love him, more then he ever could know but I've realized that I would never be good enough anyway. So, I've decided to stop trying at all. I'm getting old and it's time I give up since his expectations keep getting higher! So, fuck it!!! It's funny how money started it all...he has lost me cause he made it clear that money was important. And then came his family from hell...the fucking Klang crows!! God it's hurtful but yeah...I've realized and accepted it! It should have been clearer before but I've given him the chance, unsure if he even deserved it but it was given.

So here I am...a new life of not going to bother no more. I can't be having to please him since betrayal, insults, and no trust at all is what I get in return! So hell no will I try to please him or do the things he asks me too! It's all about his fucking family or some fucking thing which is not important at all!! Fuck it!!! Even if I have to live with this hurt, at least I won't be doing stuff just to please him and end up with bloody remarks thrown at me!

Church every Sunday...yeah...I'm sure he learns well from that place! It's been fucking 3 weeks now since he even spoken or met properly but even though it hurts, I've accepted it! After all, every conversation is about something horrible about someone. My brother, my mother, my sister, my brother in law, my nephew....and somehow..nothing, not even once has he said even the slightest ugly thing about his fucking family members!!! What the fuck!!! Are they fucking angels?!?!?!?! Damn...I just realized this somehow. Not a single time has he said anything bad at all about time!! Perfect fuckers!!! Swear they'll burn in hell for the shit they did to my mum and the hell they have caused!!!!! Fuck them all! Suckers!