i wanna run........as far as i could...do nothing....not work...sleep....play.....read.....

life's not nice.........i hate it!!!!!!

soo soo terribly annoying!!! why?!?!?!?! get off my case for bloody good!!!

im tired of incessant questions....tired...tired....tired.....arrrrgggghhhhh

I didn’t need a reminder of what I’m lacking but maybe just wanted you to listen
Instead you crushed me more than I already am
Guess it’s just reality hitting me every now and then
It’s indeed your right to talk but it hurts to hear it million times over
If only you knew that it does and i've been just giving you those chances to speak of what makes you happy
But maybe it's just that I had and still have that much faith in you knowing that you won't let me down

another monday down..to say that monday sux would just be a repeat of every bloody week!!!! but it isn't just about monday but every damn day!! i wonder if someday things would change. it's been years...like a million years with no change except things seem to get worst!!

24 hours in the day...the way it feels.....
7 hours - confused
6 hours - sad
5 hours - tired
4 hours - fed up
1 hour - angry
1 hour - happy

who'll ever know what it's like to be me? nobody...just nobody.....pfffttt

I wonder how you're feeling right now
If you'd feel like stabbing me to my death
With the sharpest knife you could ever find
If you'd feel like driving over me eighteen times till my brains and guts come spilling out
Or if you feel like pushing me over a bridge and watch me drown
If you feel the simplest idea that I should have just been ctrl+alt+del at the very beginning just like the others
I've chosen to ignore all of your attempts but it doesn't mean that I'm happy
It hurts beyond words and it kills me inside but what good would it do even if I did respond to you
I have never and would never be good enough for you no matter what
I'm sick of trying and decided to stop
Go ahead with your assumptions and whatever you think of me for you have always thought the worst of me anyway
Thank angels for sending others who do appreciate me for the ways I try since you were the one person whom I've tried to hard and failed miserably
But it just doesn't matter anymore
Maybe I have accepted the things that I would never be able to change
Maybe I have accepted that it was me who made belief all along that I could make things right with you
I wanted to get to know and I wanted you to know me but time has now passed
And the chance would never be mine ever
Maybe time will heal or maybe it won't but after all these years I doubt a few more years would make much difference

can't wait to pick up my car tomorrow....yayyyy...finally!!! :)))))
damn...felt like been without a car for 4 months or more and i'll say it over n over again! as i've said to kelvin today-next time which is probably 2.5 years from now when I change my car, I'll still keep City with me so I won't ever be stuck this way should shit happen!!!!

tick tock tick tock......11a.m tomorrow.....can't wait to go!!!!

i want my car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12.23a.m......where's my ride!!!!!!!!!! this can't be happening to me!!! shit!!!!!!

in case one day i lose my memory...2 weeks ago, my car was crashed & right now I'm suffering without my car! the pain's just beyond words! i've never had to depend on anyone this way..like never ever! this is just so crazy! think the names i've been called before suits me now cause i'm going nuts n wild without my car! damn!!! wild horse (cause i'm wild without my car) - crazy lil' angel (i am really going crazy now) - princess (since i can't live without my car!! but whuttahell...it's mine!!!!!)

guess i'm seen mostly as the happiest being high on happy sticks
i wish it really was that way but it just isn't
maybe it'll be nice to have a black balloon which could make me fly away

wednesday's child is full of shit...
wednesday's child has a life full of downs...
wednesday's child can't live without her car......
bring back my City pleaseeeeee..............

Days come and go yet there seem to be no change at all
My energy keeps depleting more and more
When would it all finally be gone and I fade away slowly but surely
Feels like everything's been taken from me and I have nothing left to give
Why did it all have to happen?
If only an angel could come and take me far far away and everything that's ugly would come to an end
I would no longer have to lie with a broken heart and it would all be fine.....

i hate mondays!!! but then who doesn't huh? shit!!!
and hour and a half before monday ends...yet another monday!!!!

why isn't anyone or anywhere calling yet?!?!?! fuck!! i wanna leave this damn place!! tired of it all!! fuck!!!! how many more times do i have to try until I finally find a way out of here! i'm getting so soo tired!

fridayyyyyy.............why is it on monday's i have severe monday blues then on friday's i feel the same too? seems more blue than monday even and i don't feel like working!! shit!!!
struggle struggle....focus focus.........pffftttt.......

Don't we all wish we that could leave all our worries behind for a few damn days at least?
Doubt anybody is worry free......maybe just less worries but they never do fail to exist somehow.

Funny how things work out sometimes..........
Ugly that people take things for granted until they're gone........
Can't anyone hear me for once.......
Keep going till there's finally somewhere to go and belong to.......

missed the train by a couple of months or probably years....way too long right?
wish I had been faster or at least warned that I was about to miss it........
even so nothing could've been done to stop it from leaving me behind..
if I went as well, would it even matter?

It swerved to the right and hit the divider with a hard knock

I lost control of the car and it started to pull to the right

The screehing sound of the tyre scared me

My mind was immediately flooded with thoughts of the car overturning or spinning around

I thought my life was about to end that very moment

Though there was nothing much in it I wanted a little more time to live

All of those thoughts stopped as the car crashed and went up the divider on the right

I was then lost and confused and unsure if I even was thankful to be alive

And thought maybe all that I face would have ended if I could have just faded away in that crash

Guess yet again my guardian angel was working overtime

Maybe the angel would understand how I lost control since nobody else would

But I don't really need anyone to understand now that it's over and done with

My mind works overtime and it hardly ever stops

They questions left unanswered bothers me all the time

Maybe just maybe one day this would all end and I would be good again

My fear would vanish finally

And my smile would be real again soon and maybe it would last for once

They say running away won't solved anything but who's to know?
Maybe running away keeps me safe from drowning at least...
It's like buying time to stay alive a little longer........
Maybe....just maybe..........
They judge and they question
But how is anyone to know the confusion and fear that doesn't ever leave
Maybe....just maybe someday they'll know
By then....it won't matter anyway........