I’m trying all ways to reach you but I’m not let in after all this time
What more can I do to get to you
I know we are from different worlds
Yours is perfect and mine is far from it
If you gave me chance and for just once listen to me
Maybe even ask so I could tell you that nothing ever was a lie
It isn’t hard and I want nothing much except another reason to not fall
Maybe it's just been a hard cry out which is never answered
And it's sad to know that it never will be or maybe someday you'd finally see
Guess as tired as I am, I need to keep trying

Faster...Easter...

It’s bout painted eggs n chocolates, lattes versus wine and never mind if their red or white


Dresses and suites, heels versus boots

Hymns and long winded sermons, exquisite cocktails during expensive dinners

A bunny hopping out from the middle of a bush to say peekaboo

Yet again as all of this is going on the fire starts

Bringing down the roof till it falls and hits the ground

The fire spreads throughout the place which I call my city

Somewhere in the middle of it is my hiding place

Slowly even that is eaten by the fire

I run wildly and as fast as I my feet would take me and I know I can’t ever stop else I’d be caught

My feet hurt real bad and my throat is sore due to thirst

The sky which was blue when I started running has now turned to a darker shade of grey

That doesn’t stop me though and I keep going

Finally I come to a halt as a dark figure in the sky appears above me

I hear a voice telling me it’s over and it repeats saying that it’s finally over

I know what the figure is and I know what the voice is telling me

I lay my body down on the grass and look up to the skies above me

My soul seem to leave weak body and I give in to it

Slowly it goes and I start to feel numb and I know that I am finally gone

The hardest thing is no longer caring for you
It's the thought of not knowing what's going on with you
The worry of what will happen next
My weakness to accept that my heart could no longer accept what you did and still do
The pain of losing you this way and the fear of you slipping away alone

But what will I ever do now that it's all been done
No one does understand anyway and they never will
My confusion and anger has gone to a different level
But the clock will never turn back and so will I
If only you saw me in a different way

Not just a body existing as a wall
Not as a punching bag waiting to be hit
Not as a middle person for you to speak to another
Not as a living creature to keep up with your expectations
Not just anybody but as someone who loved you unconditionally
And had waited so long to be seen, heard and loved
Now it's just all too late...........

Prank call

My foolishness now pays a high price but who’s to blame
Wish I’d paid attention to what I felt and never let you slip away
It’s so hard to realise that now it’s way too late
I know there won’t be another you and if there ever was it won’t be the same
Why was it you who were called and not somebody else who never mattered to me
If I had been the one who called first maybe you’d still be here
Or if I had just spent the time which will now never be mine again

If cupids exist, wish I’d get help to make you let the calling slip
Just let it slide and come home to something that’s been here all along instead
My broken heart doesn’t seem to mend ever and it gets worst since you’re not here
Give me a chance to have you by my side
And I’d finally believe that happy ever afters do exist

You sent a signal that maybe there’s hope of you coming back
Guess the hope I’ve been keeping was strong enough to think you just might
Yet again it was false hope I know as I hear you say that you never would
I’ve lost hope yet again and go back to believing that love just don’t exist for me and it never will
If only the caller was just playing a prank call but it is reality that I can’t accept
But the memory of you remains and got stronger as the call broke us apart

i want my old phone back!!!!!!! how could that be taken! even if i lost money it won't feel as bad as losing my phone!!! take my new phone...give me back my old phone! wish i'm heard but obviously it's just crazy thinking!!!!!

11.09....work's done finally...time to go home...shit...home?? where???? fuckkkkkkk
home is where the heart is but guess for me it's home is where the toilet is now!!!!!!!!
i feel broken...dont feel safe...i dont feel happy...i wish i could just feel numb!!!!

speaking through the walls but still unheard
yet nothing hurts more than being unheard
i shall never been understood ever i know but why would it even matter
maybe someday i would be and when that day comes i would no longer want to be heard
my voice seem to get lost even more but i have decided that i need not find it
what good is it anyway when there's no reason for it to be there even
i'll just let it go to hiding and maybe one day someone would bring it back
maybe someone already has and it's theirs for keeps

another day down...finally!!!! tomorrow's yet to come but i don't think it's gonna be even slightly brighter! damn! Ugly days at work!

how come some people have many reasons to smile while i don't? maybe im not searching hard enough for a reason to smile...like really really smile without a care in the world! maybe it's time to pack up my frustrations and anger and throw it somewhere really far-like in Klang perhaps? ;-)But then again...it all started from there!

Pa's lovely 2 page letter haunts me.......fuck! life's never fair!!!!

why do i hv guts the size of peanuts!!! fuck!! it's not fair!!!
as it is it's bloody peanut size...it's shrinking...slowly disappearing...fuck! im screwed!!!!
soon it's gonna disappear!!! then what???

and who said God was fair?? no no, not true!!!

10 things I love about my boss :
1. Nothing
2. Still nothing
3. Really nothing
4. Simply nothing
5. Nothing at all
6. Absolutely nothing
7. Shit nothing
8. Not-suprisingly nothing
9. Not a single thing
10. Just nothing at all

100 things I HATE about my boss :
1. Bloody insulting jokes often made
2. Pushing his part of work around - Karate!!!
3. Laziness
4. Stingy to the highest degree
5. Mean beyond words
6. Blaming others
7. Coming up with conclusions without even looking deeper into something
8. Not knowing how to do his own job
9. Having a favourite who gets things his/her way
10. Zero flexibility
11. Shallow way of thinking
12. Judging people all the time

Errrrr....100 really??? Guess I might be able to come up with 100 but right now...just to lazy to spend more time writing about him! Such a fuck!!!!!

For goodnes sake-u don't own the company!!! Arrrrggghhhhhh

I'm not rotten or evil!!!


Simply misunderstood as always!

why are promises made when there's intention to not keep them?
why do people not understand that promises are meant to be kept even if just a part of it or least an attempt to keep it?
why do people even make promises at all knowing they will never ever be able to keep it?